me

My life has been good. I got too many privileges and fortunes that I have taken for granted.

I knew it and so I have always try to give back as much as I could. And in the process, I have been living a life for rent, I guess, fulfilling all the expectations people have given me and forget what I really wanted.

People care for me, but I always take it as a burden. And when people hate me, judge me, I take it as a good things, because I think I deserved it, to balance out the privileges that I have.
I am alive, yet I feel the growing emptiness and oblivion inside. I thought I have felt happiness once or twice, but can never recall that moment. Maybe that is just my nature, and long or short my life will come to an end. I may find happiness in that moment, when nothing else matters, hopefully.

And I know my life is not uncommon or anything special. So many people are born with much better privileges and prospects, and most people are born without. Each of us are within our own battle for survival and existence. I just hope mine are the most meaningless and the least significant to anybody. What an irony is, what you afraid of doing the most, are the most common things you do, and surprisingly good at.

People say learn to love yourself everyday to have a good life. How about hating yourself everyday? I think by that you will not have a good life overall, but maybe, I can sometimes witness a significant moments to remember at death bed.