innocence

it has been a long time since the last thoughts, as I have been busy.

innocence

It is often portrayed in movies that moment when the leading role loses his/her innocence and becomes a greater version of themselves. They turned into a protagonist or a villain, both shall willing to stand for and die for their ideology or proclaimed destiny.

My innocence was lost when I was a very young kid. Greed and jealousy played a great role convinced me to do what I should have not. My conscience soon kicked in afterward and tormented me with a few weeks of self-disdain. But a few weeks of silence allowed me to put in some thoughts into the incident, and enlightened me with the very root cause: we were a poor family and I was just not accepting that fact. Instead, I thought I deserved something not supposed to belong to me.

Since that very moment, I have grown up, accepted the fact, and started to train myself to become a hard-working, diligent, thoughtful person. I lowered my expectations but hard-coded my mind that my industriousness would pay up someday and that I would never be poor.

My loss of innocence has guided me to a better path. I suppose.

And those are only a fallacy I told myself to save myself from the guilt of hurting other people. Yes, a coping mechanism. I understand.